Melbourne's trams are a hostile place

This is a city that fines visitors who don't know how to buy tickets.

APPARENTLY, it makes economic sense to bring back tram conductors to Melbourne's trams (The Age, 13/7). Excuse my bluntness, but der, Fred. And, ah, what about all the other factors that make something a good idea? Such as safety, functionality, enjoyment?

An instinctual, helpful human presence as opposed to a robot is always going to make good economic sense. Problems of obesity, consumer debt and depression are rising at the same speed as our technological advancement, and it seems the same narrow view has created the problems with our city's tram system.

Removing the conductors had a sinister effect on the cultural feel of Melbourne. Instead of conductors, we now have inspectors. What does this say? It seems that as a city, we would rather fine you for being wrong than help you to be right. If the machines don't work, or you can't read English, or you don't have enough coins — bad luck. Questions about where to go? Fend for yourself. Find a willing stranger (thankfully, there are a few), but we will not pay anyone to help you. Instead, we will spend that money on making you work harder.

Seneca wrote that the safety of society depends on respect and reciprocal devotion. The conductors on our trams were a beautiful symbol of this respect. Like flicking through a city's paper or witnessing exchanges in a busy street, sitting on a tram in conductor days left you in no doubt you were in Melbourne. Whether they were making comments on something political, giving a shout to shopkeepers on their daily rounds or offering an arm up the step to old Marg with her gammy leg, conductors were the eyes and ears of our city. And keeping a city safe and cheery is always going to make good economic sense.

The travels of my everyday life in Melbourne's inner-city depend on trams. To go to the city, I catch the 86 down Smith Street; to see my sister, the 1 or the 15 down Lygon; a coffee at Mario's is the 112.

I've seen new arrivals in our state — including other Australians — beg strangers for the right change and I've seen recent immigrants ask for a translation of how the hell to use the ticket machine and seen them look with fear and confusion at the arrival of inspectors flashing badges to "arrest" someone for not knowing. It all makes me wonder about the conversation at which it was decided to replace a walking, talking, friendly face with a machine.

Can a machine give directions? Help you up the stairs if you have lots of bags, a pram, a disability? Can a machine welcome you to the city? Bring those travelling on the tram into a feeling of camaraderie over a situation that just occurred on the corner of Collins and Spring with a street performer on stilts?

Aside from these romantic examples, can a machine stop the drunk guys sitting next to me from swearing loudly and throwing a football down the tram aisle or, worse, cans of Coke at each other, splashing me in the process?

I no longer get dressed up if I know I'm going to catch a tram. I need back-up sneakers in case I need to make a last-minute dash from a weirdo.

Conductors were like gentle stand-by guardians. But it's not just the romance of tram conductors that makes sense. From an economic viewpoint, the ability to travel safely and easily on trams is vital to those who want to live comfortably on lower incomes in our city.

Think of parents catching trams with shopping and babies in tow. It requires a huge level of trust and the kindness of strangers just to manage the steps, purchase a ticket and find a seat when you have a baby, or small children and shopping bags to control. And so often they have to clear the seat of rubbish first, too.

Compared with other cities in Australia, the variety and availability of amenities in Melbourne is plentiful: our coffee is fantastic, our food is cheap, there is a rich and thriving arts scene catering for all interests (button art, anyone?), and educational facilities and free libraries dot the city. But Melbourne's trams have always been the binding cord, the reason artists I know choose to live without a car in Zone 1.

Making the trams friendlier, easier, and yes, obviously, saving money in the process by hiring conductors instead of inspectors, will perhaps revive the city. And I'll be able to go into town in my finest again, without my back-up sneakers.

Read the original article here - http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/melbournes-trams-are-a-hostile-place-20080714-3f1o.html?page=-1